- This topic has 13 replies, 1 voice, and was last updated 8 months, 2 weeks ago by Ls.
May 8, 2018 at 10:36 pm #8673Lindsey
I’m a 17 year old girl who has been suffering with misophonia since I was about 12 or 13. I honestly don’t know what to do anymore. My main triggers are chewing, drinking, silverware and dish noises, saliva noises, and hearing talking or tv through walls. Living at home is EXTREMELY difficult for me. My father is a narcissist and has been traumatizing me my whole life. He is the loudest eater I know and I’m pretty sure he now does it on purpose because he knows it upsets me. Both of my parents refuse to think it’s real and just think I’m being a “rude teenager”. I don’t eat dinner with my family, go out to restaurants or the movies with them, hardly spend time with them because my misophonia is so bad. I cannot be anywhere around my family without my headphones, it seems like there is always noise going on no matter what and the only “safe” place in my house is my room with headphones on, late at night (sometimes), or if no one is home. My parents also make comments about the fact that I don’t spend time with them and always have my headphones in which has lead to depression and questioning my self worth. When I’m with friends it’s generally more controllable because they haven’t made me suffer years of emotional abuse, but if it’s a bad day I’ll snap at my friends or mock them. I feel like a horrible person for having misophonia but I can’t help it. The reactions I get from these noises are again EXTREMELY difficult to live with. I immediately feel the need to fight or flight and I start crying out of anger. I get angry at first and then the tears come which is usually very hard to stop. I have had genuine thoughts of killing myself multiple times, but it’s not who I am. I don’t want to die and I don’t want to kill myself but these thoughts take over because it seems there is no other way to handle it. I have been able to handle it usually by avoiding situations where I know it will be triggered, but I feel guilty for never spending time with my family. Although it was not initially their fault they are not doing anything to help me and have continued to make it worse and emotionally abuse me. I’m mainly sharing this for advice and to talk to someone who has felt the pain I have felt and understands what I’m going through because this disorder is destroying my relationships with others and my life. I encourage any other teenager or kid who sees this to respond with their story even if they don’t have any advice to give I will always be there for anyone because I UNDERSTAND <3June 7, 2018 at 10:32 pm #8694Nicole
I’m 17 years old as well, and I also have misophonia, but only to the sounds of silverware – specifically forks and spoons. There wasn’t really a specific age when I remember the sound of silverware triggering me, but I know that I didn’t have it as a kid. Luckily, I have a very supportive family, but it did take them a long time to really understand what was going on with me. Misophonia is not something that’s very common and most people don’t know anything about it. My parents didn’t really believe that it was a big deal at first. A therapist was the one who told me about it really, I thought I was the only one who had this sensitivity. I like to compare my trigger sounds to nails on a chalkboard – a sound no one likes – to kind of help them understand what I feel when I hear a sound. It took my dad the longest to understand, but I kept on explaining and explaining and it helped a little. My mom was actually the one who got too annoyed with me always complaining so she just switched to plasticware. I also sent lots of links to my parents that explain what misophonia is, and that seems to work pretty well really. I used to avoid the sound, or ask anyone to stop as soon as I heard the squeaking sound from a fork or spoon. I now go to exposure therapy to help deal with it, but that isn’t the only way to cope with misophonia. Even though I’ve been doing this therapy, there is no way I can go to a hibachi restaurant anytime soon lol. I’ve done a lot of research online (that’s actually what I was doing up until I saw your post), and I found a coping method where someone puts in only one earplug (like one of the foam ones), so if they hear their trigger sound, all they have to do is cover the other ear, but it still keeps them present in the conversation – maybe that will help. Please know that you are not alone in this and that there are people feeling the same way, don’t lose hope. I hope this helped with anything! Here are a few links if you want to check them out: https://www.health.harvard.edu/blog/misophonia-sounds-really-make-crazy-2017042111534 (everyone trusts harvard right haha), http://www.misophonia.com/symptoms-triggers/
NicoleJune 19, 2018 at 9:05 am #8743Riley
I’m 15, but I’ve had Misophonia for what feels like forever. My triggers are things like chewing, swallowing, biting/spitting out nails, and generally just sounds to do with the mouth. I have a supportive family, but I know I’ve been distancing myself from them a lot lately. My dad says things like: “You’re going to have to get it over it!” and the like. I’ve been having those exact thoughts as well and it scares me. I can’t remember the last time I ate a homemade dinner with my family because every time I tried, I would just end up in tears trying not to have a full blown panic attack. It’s caused countless arguments to surface as well, and I hate it. I have a hard time talking about it with my family since none of them seem to really understand.
I’ve talked to a psychologist, an auditory expert, and an occupational therapist, the latter of which gave me a type of treatment. I don’t remember what it was called, but it was pretty much a pair of headphones and an IPod that had specially remastered music in it. Its purpose was to retrain your brain to hear different notes or something of the like.
It didn’t really help for me, but I think it’s definitely worth a shot. I think we should definitely try to spread word of Misophonia, because this sucks and I don’t want anyone else to suffer from this.
A random coping technique I picked up on by accident: when you’re in fast food restaurants, sit as closely to the soda fountain machine as possible. I happened to be at a Subway one time with my family (who chew really loudly) and we sat close to it…I don’t know what it is, but for some reason I couldn’t hear any chewing. I think it has something to do with that weird buzzing noise you always hear, but I’m not all that sure. It was really odd and I’m still not sure why or how that works. Maybe this’ll help for you? I hope so.
Another thing that might work would be to buy a pair of good headphones (I recommend Seinnheiser, the kind that covers your entire ear and is noise cancelling). My parents allow me to use them while we’re eating.
Also, I mentioned talking to a psychologist. Even though she didn’t know much about Misophonia itself, it felt like a weight was lifted off of my chest when I was able to talk about my feelings and reactions without having my family in the room. I was able to open up a bit more.
Don’t lose hope! This is an uphill battle, but you aren’t alone in this. #alwayskeepfightingJuly 4, 2018 at 6:40 pm #1008760Kacy
I am also 17 years old. After reading all of your stories, I am so so so glad that I am not alone in my experiences.
I spend a lot of time in my room, away from my family, and I feel really guilty about it because I think that sometimes they feel like I am avoiding them. But honestly, I just need to be in a safe, quiet space. My triggers are also much worse when I am around family. I am affected by both Misophonia and Misokinesia, so the sounds as well as the sights cause me to feel unsettled and anxious. I find it hard to talk to them about it because I feel like they just won’t understand. During meals I usually plug my ears and avoid looking at anyone, and sometimes I make comments that unintentionally hurt their feelings. I know that they are supportive of me, but it’s so hard to explain just how much it affects me. I often turn to anger and yell at them, but that just leads to me feeling bad about the things that I cannot control.
School is very difficult, because students are always eating, chewing gum, etc. in class. Even the sight of someone reaching into their backpack for food makes me extremely uncomfortable and queasy. This year my Misokinesia has gotten worse, because things as subtle as foot tapping or fidgeting drive me insane.
I have told around four friends about my Misophonia, but I really only confide in two of them. Even when I vent about it, I usually hold back because I know that they do not understand. So again, it feels nice to know that people are going through the same things as me.
This year my Misophonia felt unbearable at times. It was a stressful year at school and my sleep schedule was not great, so I think that played a role in it. Eventually, I felt a lot less anxious when I regulated my sleep and began to focus more on my personal well being. (Sleeping with a fan at night usually drowns out excess sounds from your house or from noisy neighbors). I suggest taking time out of your day to appreciate the things in life that make you truly happy. Or, sit in a quiet room and read a book or listen to music. Taking time for yourself is important.
So Lindsey, Nicole, Riley:
We’ve got this. We all share at least one difficult, seemingly unbearable experience. But we will continue to persist and get through it. We are not defined by our Misophonia, but unfortunately, it is the card that we were dealt in life. Hopefully Misophonia gets more exposure, and hopefully more research is dedicated to identifying the causes and the cures. Until then, stay strong, and know that you are never alone.
KacyJuly 4, 2018 at 6:41 pm #1008762Morgan
I am also 17, and I don’t remember a specific time when I noticed my misophonia but I know it started to get really bad last year. My biggest trigger is lip smacking. I am also triggered by shushing, certain consonant sounds/pronunciations/speech patterns, and doors slamming. They send me into a blind rage and sometimes make me panic and hyperventilate. Last year I had a history teacher who smacked his lips loudly and wetly pretty much every other word, and a lot of his speech patterns and pronunciations were triggers for me. Sometimes in response to these triggers I would quietly mock or even hit my desk. Eventually I switched to less disruptive coping mechanisms such as digging my nails into my palm, which isn’t a great strategy but works because the mild pain distracts me. Towards the end of the year he triggered me so much that I had to put in headphones during his class every day and drown it out with loud music. I ended up having to teach myself most of a unit because I couldn’t cope with my misophonia.
My parents don’t know I have misophonia and I didn’t tell them about my problems in class. My two best friends know and are very understanding, and I also have one teacher who knows. I told him about my trigger sounds and he helped me figure out some coping strategies for class/social situations.
The best thing you can do, besides trying to avoid your triggers when possible, is talk to someone you trust and find some strategies to calm you down when your misophonia is triggered. I am in no way in a position of expertise as I frequently struggle with misophonia and have told very few people about it, but there are some things I’ve found that help. Find a simple movement that you can do habitually when you are triggered to stop yourself from responding with anger or panic. For example, press your hands together, clench your toes, or flex your arms when you are triggered. Having an automatic response helps to pull you away from the anger you feel when you hear a sound trigger. (Try to avoid hurting yourself in response to a trigger in order to keep a reaction inside. I have a bad habit of digging my nails really hard into my hand when I’m repeatedly triggered.) Headphones are always the preferred way to block out triggers, but when they aren’t an option, you could try deep/paced breathing and counting or reciting something in your head.
When it gets to be too much, get yourself out of the situation. My preferred excuse is to go to the bathroom. Sometimes, when I was having a bad episode in history class, I would ask to go to the bathroom and then take a walk around the school while getting control of my breathing. At home, I sometimes go upstairs and lock myself in my room for a few minutes or get a drink of water (always helpful). If you’re feeling like you might explode, try finding a private place and screaming into a pillow or hitting something soft, like a stuffed animal. This sounds silly, but it does help. Generally, I find that running helps me deal with anxiety and stress, so regular exercise should help take the edge off of misophonia responses.July 4, 2018 at 6:41 pm #1008764Emily
I’m only 14, but I’ve had miso for 7 and a half years. My triggers are sniffing and chewing noises. I don’t think I’ve ever heard someone’s situation and related to it so much. When I first started having attacks, I didn’t know what was going on and was confused and terrified. My parents didn’t understand and constantly beat me up over it. When I found an article on it and realized what I had, I told my parents and they didn’t listen. Over the past year I started to develop my second trigger and seriously asked my parents for help. They did nothing. Finally, after they realized how severe it was because I had a breakdown at school my mom took me to an audiologist and then a therapist, which both did nothing other than reassure me that I had the disease. I soon picked up a bad habit of scratching my skin until it bled during attacks to distract myself from my mental pain. My parents started to get mad at me for not getting better after they sought out treatment, and I remember one night after I lashed out on my sister when I was being triggered my mother yelling at me and the words “this is your problem, and no one else’s” just getting hammered over and over again into my mind. I ran up to my room, hysterical and in tears. I turned on the shower and started sobbing. The guilt I felt for my misophonia was so intense and I have had suicidal thoughts due to my misophonia in the past, but never like that. It’s SO out of character for me. In fact I love my life, my school, my friends, and myself, but my miso makes me want to die. I came so close that I wrote a letter, but realized I didn’t have it in me. Then (partly because of my mother’s words) my scratching got worse and my mother noticed the scars. She realized how bad it was and tried to apologize, but I didn’t know how to take it. Since then I’ve only done it once and I’ve seriously cut back. These past few months have probably been the worst. I feel like I’m always separated from my family. I can’t eat with them, go to movies, and my house is never safe. I go over to my friend’s house and school as an escape because my triggers are always worse with family. My dad has been cautious and I seriously appreciate the respect he’s treating me with, but my mom has been testing my limits and getting mad at me over my condition. My earbuds are my absolute favorite thing in the world. At this point I feel soso alone that I would do anything to be able to talk to someone who has an idea of what my hell feels like. I would love to talk and thank you for sharing your story. <3July 4, 2018 at 6:42 pm #1008772Summer
I’m 14 years old and I have been dealing with this since I was so long. Probably longer than I can remember. I know it started to become a problem around the age of 8 or 9 when my mom’s loud breathing and chewing would annoy me. I told her that it bothers me and tshe has told me “I’ll never make it in the real world” because if this. I found the word and meaning of misophonia and I immediately knew I had it.
My mom, dad, and brother all trigger me. All with their eating and my mom and dad with breathing. My dad is the loudest breather and eater I’ve met but when I told him about it he yelled at me again to “GET OVER IT!” I don’t have a strong relationship with him because I avoid him at all costs.
My brother kinda has the same problem as me but I don’t think it affects him as much. He always annoys me my chewing in my ear and he does it to the point I get violent with him like squeezing his shoulder really hard to punching is body (not hard enough to cause harm).
I sometimes skip meals with my family because I can’t stand them, I hate going to the movies because I don’t like the sounderlying of not only them eating and drinking but the others around me too. Going out to eat is a pain because I’m forced to go out with them to “get off our devices” but I sometimes sneak an earbud in my ear because they always tell me to take it out because it’s rude.
I cope with music ot youtube. Along with my trigger sounds, I have visual triggers like seeing someone eat. My mom tells me to get off my phone because she “read a study and it said teens that spend too much time on their phones cause depression.” I don’t have depression but the only remote reason why I would have it is because of this.
I would talk about it to a couselor/therapist or something but everytime I think about it, I cry. I hate people seeing me cry. I hate talking about it to people even more. My parents don’t care. They’re probably like “add it to your list of medical problems. I think if killing myself too but I want to live but not like this.July 9, 2018 at 10:32 am #1008792emma
I am the exact same, i get so enraged around my family and even my boyfriend. As i get older it gets worse. Nobody in my family seems to understand they always tell me to just not let it bother me but that’s not how it works. They act like it’s a choice.July 12, 2018 at 11:52 am #1008839Rachel
I am 13, going on 14 very soon. My parents sometimes say I have a photographic memory; I very clearly remember my first trigger. I was so upset and confused and basically tortured and I didn’t know what to do or what was wrong with me (this was when I was around 11 or 12). And I can tell you, with not only miso, but ADHD, anxiety tics, and anger issues, life can suck sometimes. I think the person I can relate to most is Morgan; my biggest trigger is certain phonics in the alphabet (the letters S, T, SH, CH, and sometimes F). When I get triggered with my parents I mock them. When I get triggered around other people I bite myself to keep from screaming and embarrsssing myself. I have some bruises on my arms currently. But anyway, the biggest problem is that my parents are the ones who trigger me. Sometimes, hearing their voices can be my own personal hell. I scream like I’m dying sometimes and once my mom said, “Do we need to take you to the emergency room?!” and actually picked up the phone. But over all, my parents understand, and they want to help. After that first trigger and a couple more a while later, my mom came up to me with a printed out article called “Misophonia and Your Anger.” She explained it, and told me other people have it, too, and suffer, just like I do. (Oh, I looked it up — did you guys know that in all of America only 0.06% of people have it?!) After that, I felt much better. But still, sometimes it feels like my parents aren’t trying to make this better for me. Sometimes, it feels like they just want to keep talking even though they know it bothers me. What with all my outbursts and tantrums because of my anger issues, and all my annoyance because of my anxiety tics, it can be really hard and sometimes I wish I were deaf. I haven’t told a single one of my friends about this yet, but one friend that I have been best friends with since preschool is a friend I feel like I can trust, and when she gets back from camp this summer I’m thinking about telling her. Oh, also, thank you, Kacy, because at first I didn’t think visual triggers were an actual thing, but I believe I suffer from misokonesia as well. I can’t stand it when my dad tries to cover up his chewing by moving his mouth a certain way while he is talking, and I hate the way my mom takes deep breaths. This is the first time I’ve ever seen that word. Anyway, there’s lots of thinks I love to do, too, like go camping and babysit — and just go out for good food. Whenever I get to do those things, I literally think to myself, “I love life. Life couldn’t get any better right now.” But when I suffer from every single one of the conditions I have, I just want to crawl in a hole and stay there forever… but… thank you, everyone. These blog posts are probably the best thing that has ever happened to me regarding all my conditions since I found out I had all of them. Also, I talk to a psychologist about my ADHD and my anger issues, and she knows about my misophonia, too. She’s so nice and I really like her. Anyways, some advice I have for everybody everywhere who has misophonia or misokonesia is to order a chew toy from Amazon. Currently I have an orange one that looks like a wheel but with three spokes and no outer lip, and lots of bumps and ridges. It may seem babyish, but you can choose wherever you want to bring it, and personally I think it really helps. Whenever I get triggered, I bite down as hard as I can (much of an improvement from when I used to bite my arms), and hum quietly until I can get the sound out of my head, and it actually really helps. Okay, goodbye for now, everyone, and just remember: always ask for help, and you’re not alone!!August 19, 2019 at 9:27 am #1010558Alexis Harshman
Im no longer quite a teen. Im 20 years old, I can’t exactly place when my misophonia really started, I think it was some time in 8th grade. Started with gum popping, it became obnoxious and I wanted to lash out. It extended to smacking and crunching sounds when someones eating. It then continued to worsen, muffled tv heard through the wall, quiet high pitched singing of my mom. The clinking of silverware on glass or porcelain/ceramic bowls, even has gotten as far as heavy breathing and clicking/ticktacky music (like the computer generated sound of a drum cymbal sped up), and I have to build up enough mental capacity to even consider going to th4 movies -as I then sit through most of it covering my ears. On top of all this I found I have the secondary disorder often only found in those who first suffer from misophonia. Its called misokenisia, triggered by repetitive movement within your eyesight setting off the same fight or flight reflex, however this ones more manageable but it also looks more rude when coping, as you have to physically block off aight of that motion and it then ends up looking like youre ignoring or avoiding someone and notjust a particular movement.
For the longest time my parents just said I ws being overdramatic
The first time I heard ofthis was from a radio that played in my drivers ed class. The girl on the radio show also suffered from it. However at the time still so little was known or studied on it that the therapists didnt know what i was talking about. It keeps getting worse, and I wish I could just be lobotomized and be done with it
Or make myself deaf and blind or just plain out die.
Ive been chased off by these conditions and then am also chased off by those who Ive hurt because they feel my reactions ar3 solely against them.
Im more trouble than wht im worth is what i alwys end with.August 21, 2019 at 6:11 pm #1010584Nora
I’m 15 years old and I’ve been suffering from misophonia since I was 11 or 12, but I had one specific symptom before it became so bad I began to do research and discovered the term misophonia. From being a toddler all the way up until maybe 7th grade, I had a very severe sensitivity disorder which prevented me from wearing any clothes that were not 100% cotton or were tight anywhere. I also didn’t wear snowpants and large winter coats, and I refused to put on my seatbelt a lot of the time. My parents just thought I was a very picky and troubled child, and they didn’t suspect anything until I was 10 or 11 and the sensitivity finally began to partially subside. We finally told my doctor and she told us that I did in fact have a sensitivity disorder. Now, I have no problem with clothing, but when I was little, the one hearing trigger that would literally have me yelling is when my mom would let out a huge sigh and exhale pretty intensely with a “haaaaaa…” I just remember being in the car and my mother sighing like that and me yelling at the top of my lungs begging for her to stop.
From research I did, I learned that the sensitivity disorder I had as a young child is directly linked to my misophonia and the sensitivity disorder almost became misophonia along with other factors. Research has lead me to believe that misophonia is often turned on or starts during a very stressful time and that makes perfect sense for me. Right before 5th grade, my best friend moved to Canada (I live in Massachusetts) and I was completely destroyed. During 6th grade is when my symptoms became very difficult to deal with. Loud chewing and breathing highly triggers me along with slurping and saliva sounds, but my main trigger is my mom. I love her more than anything, but up to this day she triggers me in so many ways it’s almost unbearable to be in the same room with her. Her “s” consonant sounds almost squeaky to me which is a major trigger. She also is a very very loud mouth breather and she always licks her lips and makes a really intense smacking of the lips sound. She also constantly picks at her lips which is a huge trigger for me. I have misokenisia along with misophonia which explains the visual triggers. I think the depression that my best friend moving away along with my mom’s excessive sounds really developed my misophonia.
Right now, I can barely be in the car with her. I cannot deal with her singing at all so I have to beg her to stop when singing along to the radio. I always have to plug my ears to keep her sounds out in the car and during dinner and while watching a movie. I constantly feel like she’s doing it on purpose. It makes me want to cry and makes me just want to be so violent. There have been times in the car when I debate just opening the door, even on the highway, and letting myself fall out so I don’t have to deal with it.
I have a lot of more general triggers but my mom is my biggest trigger. I feel so alone considering I am the only person I have ever met with misophonia. I do my best to explain to my parents and educate them by sending them articles and stuff like that. They say they believe be but I don’t think they understand the proportion of the anxiety I feel during my triggers and the thoughts that they cause. In fact, I know my mom doesn’t understand because as I already mentioned, her singing is one of my biggest triggers, and even though I have been asking her to stop singing along to the radio in the car for years, she still sings really softly. That shows that she knows but still thinks it doesn’t bother me and I’m just being dramatic.
I have been asking for help from my parents in getting me a therapist or something and they always say something like “we’ll talk about it” and “I don’t have time to deal with that right now” which makes me feel like my parents just don’t care enough to get me help.
I am also terrified because there is no cure, and there are some situations I just can’t avoid. I don’t wanna suffer like this for the rest of my life. I’m only 15, but I have so much ahead of me that this could affect. The other day my mom said she can’t wait for me to drive, and it hit me that every time I’m in the car with her I either have to plug my ears for the whole time or put in headphones. I am just learning how to drive, but how will I be able to drive with her in the car if she is triggering me the entire time? What if the anger and anxiety it causes me will get me distracted and I crash the car?
I just don’t want this to rule my life. If any of you have been to see therapists or have been on anti-depressants and they have been helpful, please let me know. I just feel so hopeless and I don’t want to live like this for the rest of my life. I am going to get treatment at some point or another, but I just need some reassurance that there is hope for people like us and it might get better.
NoraAugust 21, 2019 at 6:12 pm #1010586Nora
Your story was just so relieving to hear. I thought I was the only one who gets highly affected by the phonetics like “S”. I think I would benefit from finding a therapist. Do you guys believe in hypnotherapy? I’m also considering it to help me. ]
NoraSeptember 23, 2019 at 9:56 am #1010662Hannah
I am 16 years old and have been suffering from Misophonia since I was almost 14. My biggest triggers are eating, nose sniffling, and sticky sounds of any kind. My mom has a constantly runny nose and walks around all the time with a Kleenex that is a visual trigger for me. Ive asked her to stop but she just mocks me or says that my “fake disease” isn’t as important as her needing to blow her nose.Also my dog has a skin problem and he is CONSTANTLY biting/licking/chewing himself. I love him but my mom says that I hate him and someday when I get “mad” I will end up killing him. Not to say that has not crossed my mind; when I’m panicked sometimes I just feel the need to wring the neck of the person/animal that is triggering me or my own neck. I gave myself a horrible bruise on my face once because I grabbed a chunk of my cheek and SQUEEZED for everything I was worth rather than do something worse. I am homeschooled because of my ADHD but being in close proximity to my mom all day every day is more than I can take. She is emotionally abusive about other things too but the way she treats me with regards to my Misophonia is downright horrible. She told me I had to deal with it or no one would want to be my friend, not that anyone wants to be your friend anyway. She asks me if she’s bothering me and then gets all hurt and does a little fake cry and says she can’t do anything to please me. When I try to explain what it’s like she says you tell me this all the time I know it hurts you you feel upset blah blah blah just DEAL WITH IT. I’m not depressed but during my miso attacks and right after them I want to end my life. I’m singlehandedly tearing my family apart and my mom is right, I don’t have many friends. My best friend/ boyfriend is interested in neurology and stuff and he’s the only one that is kind to me anyway. Everyone else looks at me like I’m some kind of freak or does things purposely to make it worse.October 21, 2019 at 9:48 am #1010737Ls
I’m 16 and have had misophonia for most of my life. My mom realized when I was little but it got way worse the past 4 yrs. My advice would be to always be listening to music. It made me sooo sad to read all the previous posts bc I fully understand you and can relate but for me atleast my mom gets it. Also learn who you can cope with sitting next to at the table, who chews in a tolerable way. I went to a therapist for CBT – worst choice of my life. It made everything so much worse. She said stupid stuff and escalated my problem. I’ve done crazy stuff like throw things at my siblings or run away from my friends while holding their phones but I guess that’s life. That’s how God created me- created us! Stick together. Everything will hopefully get betterJune 6, 2020 at 9:09 pm #1012317Naomi
I just saw this thread and I am not sure if you are still checking responses but I just want to tell you I can relate to how you feel. I can see you have been struggling with the guilt about not spending time with your parents and I can agree with all your frustrations as I have gone through a somewhat similar experience and now I am attending therapy for it.
I grew up in a physically and emotionally abusive single parent household and also developed misophonia at the age of 12. My mother and father were both narcissistic and I am still learning as a 25 yo how to cope and to connect the dots between misophonia (hate sound of gum chewing, keyboard typing, mouse clicking) and growing up with parents with NPD. My mother would also exaggerate the sounds that bothered me and even after I got a clinical diagnosis, she still thinks mental health issues are a hoax and that I am just being too sensitive.
I think there is a link between hating certain sounds and having parents who overstep your boundaries and disrespect your requests of small modifications of their lifestyle. Your father should be more understanding but he chooses to remain ignorant about your issue even though you told him how it made you feel. I know ppl can be more empathetic because my SO is super accommodating and tries to avoid making these sounds when I ask him.
You should not feel guilty about not spending time with them. This guilt can haunt you for a long time and in my opinion it is best to deal with it right away. Parents with NPD are great at making their children feel guilt when they try to show some independence as they view you as extensions to themselves and they fail to recognize you as a separate entity. Guilt is a strong weapon or tactic they employ to gain empathy from you. It is up to you how you want to spend your time. If they were abusive to you and are unwilling to change or apologize, I dont think you owe them anything. Dont let them undermine your confidence and self worth because it will stress you and you will find sounds bother you more over time. Keep in mind that your priority is your well being and it’s ok to focus on your needs.
I hope as you gain more independence you can find a space that is calm and peaceful. A place where you can be separated from all the sounds that bother you. I would also encourage you to attend therapy (CBT, psychotherapy…etc) and try to deal with the misophonia since it can be so debilitating to having to always avoid the sound.