Husband’s snorting is a huge trigger

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  • #1011002 Reply
    Siobhan

    Hi, I don’t know if I have misphonia, but I feel like you guys would be able to help he out here. [TRIGGER WARNING: Mention of self harm]

    My husband has some sort of respiratory issue where he continually snorts, coughs, sniffs, etc. I’m not exaggerating when I saw it’s every few seconds. It’s got a lot worse over time, and right now he’s on the waiting list to see a consultant (after much begging and even tears from me). It’s worth noting it was assumed to be part of his Tourette’s syndrome. He’s on meds for that and it’s DRASTICALLY reduced his tics (he’d shake his leg until his leg ached, for example, but he still couldn’t stop). However, it hasn’t touched the snorting. It’s only got worse.

    I’ve never been able to handle the sound of snorting. It’s deeply upsetting to me, it’s disgusting and I just can’t handle it. Normally, if someone’s doing it in public I either offer tissues or just walk away.

    However. Because it’s my husband, I can’t get away from the noise. He says he’s trying to stop it, but he won’t even blow his nose?! (I have a sneaking suspicion he was never taught how to, he also doesn’t get that blowing his nose once won’t fix it). Because I’m trapped with the noise, I’m getting more and more upset. I used to self harm as a kid, and now all those behaviours have come back because I just can’t cope. When he snorts, I want to ram my head into a wall or punch myself in the face. This is not exaggeration. This is what’s happening.

    I just don’t know what to do. If he finally sees a specialist and it gets handled, brilliant. Until then, I’m stuck with it. If it IS part of his Tourette’s? I’m screwed.

    It’s affecting our relationship, obviously. He can’t help it and I can’t cope with the noise, so I have to stay away from him. I’m seriously considering moving out because I’m so scared I’ll actually injure myself. When I try and point this out to him, he gets angry.

    Are there ways I can cope? I used to use headphones, but even they don’t drown him out. I’m hurting myself contantly because I’m trapped with the noise. Any advice is deeply appreciated.

    #1011033 Reply
    Dave

    Hi Siobhan, I have only just started looking on this site (although I’ve been aware of Misophonia for the last couple of years).
    I’ve had it since I was about 7 I think, I’m now 43 and only told my wife about it a year ago as eating generally is a massive trigger but she also started to sniff all the time and it was something I couldn’t escape from.
    Currently we have my mother in law staying with us (until early Jan) and she snorts all the time. I was literally only coming on this site to get some examples from the Forum to try to explain to my wife that I need to change something so I can cope without upsetting my mother in law, who I really like generally.
    I really can understand the level of feeling you have, I either want to headbutt a wall, or worse I feel like stomping on mamma’s head until its flat!
    I saw your post and expected it to be from years ago, as most forums I look on tend to be like that.
    As you only posted the other day I thought I’d send a quick reply to offer some support, and it would help me (and hopefully you) if we could chat over a few messages, knowing there is someone who will reply that understands what you are going through.
    Please try not to harm yourself, I know sometimes I bite the side of my index finger as that can’t do much damage and give me a little relief! What way are you self harming (if you don’t mind saying)
    Thanks
    Dave

    #1011232 Reply

    Hi Siobhan,

    It’s sounds like an incredibly difficult situation you are in. From what you’ve described it does sound like you have misophonia, those are common trigger sounds you describe.

    I’m posting a few links for you here in case they’re of any help:

    How to discuss misophonia with your partner:
    https://www.allergictosound.com/articles/help-non-misophonia-suffering-partner-deal-with-misophonia/

    Some misophonia coping strategies:
    https://www.allergictosound.com/articles/misophonia-coping-strategies/

    More misophonia coping strategies:
    https://www.allergictosound.com/articles/the-big-reveal-your-favourite-misophonia-coping-techniques/

    There are also some excellent help and support groups online who specialise in self-harm:

    https://www.mind.org.uk/information-support/types-of-mental-health-problems/self-harm/#
    http://www.harmless.org.uk/
    http://www.nshn.co.uk/
    https://www.samaritans.org/

    Tom

    #1012786 Reply
    Sarah Bellwood

    Hi Siobhan, you poor thing. My husband does this a little but only in the morning. I’m afraid I don’t have much advice for you only huge sympathy. Your a lovely person and this isn’t your fault. I’ve talked to my husband about the ‘noises’ issue and I’m lucky, he’s listened and at least tries to understand and minimise the noise, it’s still hard though. I’ve been reduced to sitting in the car to cry before now.

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