- This topic has 2 replies, 1 voice, and was last updated 1 month, 2 weeks ago by CJ.
October 7, 2019 at 9:16 am #1010685Elsie
This is primarily me seeking advice, so here’s a little background and sorry for the length…
I’ve been dating my boyfriend for over a year and have known him for close to three. He’s the most supportive person I’ve ever known, my best friend, and my support system through college, BUT the noises he makes incessantly trigger me. It’s primarily the way he eats; he chews LOUDLY with his mouth open, smacks his lips, stuffs his face, and loudly mouth breathes (while eating and in general). Whenever we eat together, which is almost every day, I become so filled with rage and disgust. I dig into my arms with my nails and want to scream in his face. I often feel nausea and want to cry from the overwhelming disgust.
I vocalize my disgust for those eating habits by saying how gross it is when people chew with their mouths open and complaining how people need to close their mouths, but he lacks self-awareness. He does not acknowledge that he does these things, which only infuriates me more and makes me feel “crazy” and like it’s all in my head.
I’ve never blatantly told him of his behavior and how it truly affects me, but I hint A LOT (“jeez, slow down” while he eats, “you’re going to get a stomach ache,” “you eat like a savage,” “I think you need to see a doctor for your breathing,” “you’re stressing me out.”) and he always just responds with “I’m hungry” and “Well, I HAVE to breath.” Disclaimer: he has NO respiratory or hearing issues, he just never taught himself to breathe from his mouth without making noise.
Many of his roommates/friends notice his unpleasant and distracting noises too, so I know I’m not “crazy.” I just know it’s not my place to tell him all of this because it’s infantilizing and I am not his mother. I have asked him several times to try to control how many times he does a slurping noise while inhaling (at least 6 times/hour), yet the behavior has not changed. Also, his noises are so loud that they are heard throughout my apartment, so simply leaving the room does not help. I feel that I’ve reached my breaking point.
In these situations, is it best to terminate the relationship rather than try to further reason with the person to alter their behavior?October 21, 2019 at 9:50 am #1010750Ich
I am sorry for your hard times with your loved one.
I have tried to work a lot on my Misophonia issues. I have tried very much. It has costed a lot of time, pain and money. I have told my partner about the problem and he was trying to help as much as he could. It was very sweet. Nothing really help…only a small help, like playing some hard rock during eating together ;-)..and so…
I have found him feeling very anxious around me. And he said that he doesn’t feel comfortable at own home. So it was both of us.It made everything worse. We were fighting for 3 years. Tried to live at separate apartments and just date. But I have decided to end it. So we can relax. It is very painful. I would recommend to talk open about the problem and see how much it can help. Maybe you are stronger. I hope.
Fingers crossedOctober 21, 2019 at 9:52 am #1010752CJ
If he can’t be more considerate and better mannered for you, especially with your condition, I’d say it was time to end it. Tell him you want to break up because you can’t cope then he’ll either be more considerate and you have a chance or if he doesn’t, it’s not meant to be and he’s not worth it anyways.
My partner has learned to be a lot more considerate. It took a while, but it’s improved quite a bit. It’s just the talking with the mouth full which sets me off these days.December 5, 2019 at 1:57 pm #1010924John
I am sorry that it has come to the dilemma of either breaking up with your partner for a bit of peace, or putting up with the torture of misophonia.
I have been with my partner for 12 years, and he hasn’t set me off until recently. I have suddenly started to notice that he CONSTANTLY burps/hiccups as I think the only time we really spend together is when eating or going to the pub. I have never know anyone so gassy! I get infuriated as I feel like he eats too fast, or drinks too much alcohol – if you socialise several times a week which involves beer, do you really need to come home and drink beer every night when you aren’t out? I know it’s a normal bodily function, but I don’t expel that much gas on a constant basis!!
If I had only been with him for a short time I would end it, because misophonia brings on feelings of disgust which is never a good thing to feel about your partner and I can imagine it would only get worse over time. Unfortunately we have a house and kids together, so I feel trapped. I like him, but the misophonia makes things really difficult, as it is hard for the other person to understand, and I don’t blame them for getting annoyed for the disproportionate reaction misophonia brings about.
I feel like the only way to deal is not to spend time with him, but that isn’t really ideal.