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Rachel

Hey guys,
I am 13, going on 14 very soon. My parents sometimes say I have a photographic memory; I very clearly remember my first trigger. I was so upset and confused and basically tortured and I didn’t know what to do or what was wrong with me (this was when I was around 11 or 12). And I can tell you, with not only miso, but ADHD, anxiety tics, and anger issues, life can suck sometimes. I think the person I can relate to most is Morgan; my biggest trigger is certain phonics in the alphabet (the letters S, T, SH, CH, and sometimes F). When I get triggered with my parents I mock them. When I get triggered around other people I bite myself to keep from screaming and embarrsssing myself. I have some bruises on my arms currently. But anyway, the biggest problem is that my parents are the ones who trigger me. Sometimes, hearing their voices can be my own personal hell. I scream like I’m dying sometimes and once my mom said, “Do we need to take you to the emergency room?!” and actually picked up the phone. But over all, my parents understand, and they want to help. After that first trigger and a couple more a while later, my mom came up to me with a printed out article called “Misophonia and Your Anger.” She explained it, and told me other people have it, too, and suffer, just like I do. (Oh, I looked it up — did you guys know that in all of America only 0.06% of people have it?!) After that, I felt much better. But still, sometimes it feels like my parents aren’t trying to make this better for me. Sometimes, it feels like they just want to keep talking even though they know it bothers me. What with all my outbursts and tantrums because of my anger issues, and all my annoyance because of my anxiety tics, it can be really hard and sometimes I wish I were deaf. I haven’t told a single one of my friends about this yet, but one friend that I have been best friends with since preschool is a friend I feel like I can trust, and when she gets back from camp this summer I’m thinking about telling her. Oh, also, thank you, Kacy, because at first I didn’t think visual triggers were an actual thing, but I believe I suffer from misokonesia as well. I can’t stand it when my dad tries to cover up his chewing by moving his mouth a certain way while he is talking, and I hate the way my mom takes deep breaths. This is the first time I’ve ever seen that word. Anyway, there’s lots of thinks I love to do, too, like go camping and babysit — and just go out for good food. Whenever I get to do those things, I literally think to myself, “I love life. Life couldn’t get any better right now.” But when I suffer from every single one of the conditions I have, I just want to crawl in a hole and stay there forever… but… thank you, everyone. These blog posts are probably the best thing that has ever happened to me regarding all my conditions since I found out I had all of them. Also, I talk to a psychologist about my ADHD and my anger issues, and she knows about my misophonia, too. She’s so nice and I really like her. Anyways, some advice I have for everybody everywhere who has misophonia or misokonesia is to order a chew toy from Amazon. Currently I have an orange one that looks like a wheel but with three spokes and no outer lip, and lots of bumps and ridges. It may seem babyish, but you can choose wherever you want to bring it, and personally I think it really helps. Whenever I get triggered, I bite down as hard as I can (much of an improvement from when I used to bite my arms), and hum quietly until I can get the sound out of my head, and it actually really helps. Okay, goodbye for now, everyone, and just remember: always ask for help, and you’re not alone!!