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Emily

Hey
I’m only 14, but I’ve had miso for 7 and a half years. My triggers are sniffing and chewing noises. I don’t think I’ve ever heard someone’s situation and related to it so much. When I first started having attacks, I didn’t know what was going on and was confused and terrified. My parents didn’t understand and constantly beat me up over it. When I found an article on it and realized what I had, I told my parents and they didn’t listen. Over the past year I started to develop my second trigger and seriously asked my parents for help. They did nothing. Finally, after they realized how severe it was because I had a breakdown at school my mom took me to an audiologist and then a therapist, which both did nothing other than reassure me that I had the disease. I soon picked up a bad habit of scratching my skin until it bled during attacks to distract myself from my mental pain. My parents started to get mad at me for not getting better after they sought out treatment, and I remember one night after I lashed out on my sister when I was being triggered my mother yelling at me and the words “this is your problem, and no one else’s” just getting hammered over and over again into my mind. I ran up to my room, hysterical and in tears. I turned on the shower and started sobbing. The guilt I felt for my misophonia was so intense and I have had suicidal thoughts due to my misophonia in the past, but never like that. It’s SO out of character for me. In fact I love my life, my school, my friends, and myself, but my miso makes me want to die. I came so close that I wrote a letter, but realized I didn’t have it in me. Then (partly because of my mother’s words) my scratching got worse and my mother noticed the scars. She realized how bad it was and tried to apologize, but I didn’t know how to take it. Since then I’ve only done it once and I’ve seriously cut back. These past few months have probably been the worst. I feel like I’m always separated from my family. I can’t eat with them, go to movies, and my house is never safe. I go over to my friend’s house and school as an escape because my triggers are always worse with family. My dad has been cautious and I seriously appreciate the respect he’s treating me with, but my mom has been testing my limits and getting mad at me over my condition. My earbuds are my absolute favorite thing in the world. At this point I feel soso alone that I would do anything to be able to talk to someone who has an idea of what my hell feels like. I would love to talk and thank you for sharing your story. <3